Helplessness and Depression

When one deems that changes are impossible, a feeling of helplessness arises. Eventually, all the hope and motivation is lost just like a simple disconnection in an electric circuit. If not tended to, one may fall into the grips of depression.

If you are facing a problem in your life for the first time, what will you do?

You will keep trying until the problem gets resolved. If you couldn’t solve that problem in two or three tries, you will start losing hope. Finally, at the end of numerous trials, you will end up with no further hope or motivation to try again. Soon enough there will come a stage of total helplessness and depression. Also, ultimately, succumbing to this helplessness or depression becomes a habit.

How can you get out of it?

Realize yourself that this emotional pain you are currently experiencing, due to the result of depression, is nothing more than a false belief about your own ability to take action!! Here, if you try to see the reality you will understand that it happened just because you allowed your mind to fool you, and thus helped your mind to develop the habit of helplessness/depression.

One should know the fact that the real state of human mind is happiness. If you are feeling helpless or depressed, remind yourself that this state of mind is not the true one, it is a learned one. Remember that since this habit of helplessness is a learned one through practice, you can unlearn it with real knowledge. You can also take a decision to stop practicing the old habit.

Know that human mind has unlimited potential. But why do you feel that your capabilities and capacities are limited? It is just because you have allowed your mind to accept the unrealities (negativities), to get conditioned by certain false beliefs, to get brainwashed by certain people or harsh experiences.

So, being helpless or feeling helplessness is your choice. You are the person to decide whether you should get addicted to the external forces/factors which are absolutely not in your control, or you should listen to your true inner being. Cleanse your mind by real knowledge and listen to the real you inside you, do your Karma/ duties with real involvement. That will surely lead you to the real happiness that you are seeking.

What is attachment ? Is it the essential foundation for lasting relationships?

What is non-attachment? Is it possible for an ordinary man to achieve non-attachment?

The word 'non-attachment' does not really exist in English, but it exists in Sanskrit in the form of Vairagya, meaning to be free from attachment, without rejecting anything. It is not an escapism from your responsibilities. Non- attachment  is a state of mind which is full of Viveka. It is a realization. Realization of the Truth- The Present- The Now.

The first attachment we all might have experienced is when we were a child. Our attachment and bonding with our first care giver (mostly the mother) shapes our brain, profoundly influencing our self esteem, our expectation of others  and our ability to attract and maintain other relationships. This  emotional attachment between the child and the mother is the beginning of our  interactive communication. And this is the established foundation for all our future relationships and communication.  Standing on this foundation we acquire more skills and knowledge and it shapes the success or failure of our future relationships. 

Attachment is an emotional bond that involves a desire for regular contact and it can have a  huge impact on the behavior throughout life.

When we are living in a happy family surrounded by all kith and kin, when things are going well, when we are in love,  we may feel  like breathing their love and care, we seem to thrive just because of their presence, feel  very positive and strong. Then  it is easy  to wonder  why this yogic texts gives so much importance to non attachment. We may feel like attachment plays an important role in keeping our relationships fulfilled.

But,  when they don’t respond with the same sentiments,  when we are deeply hurt or when we are faced loss, grief, betrayal or failure,.. we find ourselves helpless to detach from them. At that moment we think that.. had we practiced non attachment we could have easily moved  out of acute suffering into something close to peace. 

Remember Budha’s Second  Noble Truth teaches “the cause of sufferings is cravings or thirst”. Desire is the root cause of all our sufferings. Desire to achieve something shows the attachment towards it. This attachment creates expectation from the attached. When we are not able to meet our expectation we will end up in frustration or sorrow. Thus our attachment to our expectation kills our happiness.

It is not that we should stay away from relations and emotions. You don’t have to be indifferent. In order to love someone or something,  to feel responsible, you don’t have to be attached to them. You don’t have to be attached to something to truly appreciate it. True love is giving freedom.  If we  practice non attachment relationships become more meaningful and practical, and we can experience the life in a more fulfilling way. 

For eg:- If your loved one needs an important treatment and  if it is available only in a place which is far away and you are not able to accompany  him or her,  what will you do? You will arrange someone else to go with him/her, right? Why? Because your love is stronger than your attachment (the desire to hold on to him/her).  Here you are ready to accept the situation and you use your viveka- the ability to discriminate and act accordingly. But,  emotionally if we are upset and influenced by outside events and sensations we will not be able to act properly.  And if you cultivate non attachment at this stage you will have a relaxed control over your mind. You just have to understand that all the things around you may come and go from your life..eg:- your ideas, beliefs, belongings or loved ones…you will still be you.

When we pass through different stages of life, different emotions like happiness, anger, sadness, instead of capturing  and holding those feelings  forever,  we will act as a  Witness of our thoughts and emotions, and we will be able to watch these emotions as passing clouds. 

Non attachment is an empowering attitude. We need two things in order to have attachment. One is, the object or the person we are attaching to,  and second, the  person who is attaching.

 But in non attachment we have only one thing ie Unity. There is no TWO because there is nothing to attach to. 

Learning to practice non attachment is the most liberating shift that we can do to achieve peace in our life.  This attitude will teach us to love unconditionally.

There is no short cut to practice non attachment. It is a process.  Like Patanjali says –“Abhyasa vairagyabhyam tannirodha:”  which means “These mental modifications are restrained by practice.” 

Practice

1.First we should get ready mentally. We should have the attitude to practice. 

2.Then try to understand our thoughts and emotions and to which they are attached to. Understand that attachment is based on fear and insecurity.

3.Then acknowledge our present state of mind. Observe our desire for the attached, our fear of losing it and the sense of hopelessness and helplessness that we are facing.

4.Allow our mind to be free from those around us and let those objects or people to be themselves. Let our mind also experience the freedom from those. Understand that nothing can be static.

5.Now try to be at present and practice mindfulness 

6.Open ourselves to the highest love, without any condition or expectation. Then you will feel more happy and free. 

7.Now we will not experience any remnant of attachment and  we will realize that we have begun to achieve the stage of non attachment.

This is the stage of true liberation..the true nature of human mind…

To experience non attachment is to have Internal Awareness, awareness of our supreme mastery, complete control  over mind. It can be learned through will power.

U C Soja.