What is
attachment ? Is it the essential foundation for lasting relationships?
What is
non-attachment? Is it possible for an ordinary man to achieve non-attachment?
The
word 'non-attachment' does not really exist in English, but it exists in
Sanskrit in the form of Vairagya, meaning to be free from attachment, without
rejecting anything. It is not an escapism from your responsibilities. Non-
attachment is a state of mind which is full of Viveka. It is a
realization. Realization of the Truth- The Present- The Now.
The
first attachment we all might have experienced is when we were a child. Our
attachment and bonding with our first care giver (mostly the mother) shapes our
brain, profoundly influencing our self esteem, our expectation of others
and our ability to attract and maintain other relationships. This
emotional attachment between the child and the mother is the beginning of
our interactive communication. And this is the established foundation for
all our future relationships and communication. Standing on this
foundation we acquire more skills and knowledge and it shapes the success or
failure of our future relationships.
Attachment
is an emotional bond that involves a desire for regular contact and it can have
a huge impact on the behavior throughout life.
When we
are living in a happy family surrounded by all kith and kin, when things are
going well, when we are in love, we may feel like breathing their
love and care, we seem to thrive just because of their presence, feel
very positive and strong. Then it is easy to wonder why
this yogic texts gives so much importance to non attachment. We may feel like
attachment plays an important role in keeping our relationships fulfilled.
But,
when they don’t respond with the same sentiments, when we are
deeply hurt or when we are faced loss, grief, betrayal or failure,.. we find
ourselves helpless to detach from them. At that moment we think that.. had we
practiced non attachment we could have easily moved out of acute
suffering into something close to peace.
Remember
Budha’s Second Noble Truth teaches “the cause of sufferings is cravings
or thirst”. Desire is the root cause of all our sufferings. Desire to achieve
something shows the attachment towards it. This attachment creates expectation
from the attached. When we are not able to meet our expectation we will end up
in frustration or sorrow. Thus our attachment to our expectation kills our
happiness.
It is
not that we should stay away from relations and emotions. You don’t have to be
indifferent. In order to love someone or something, to feel responsible,
you don’t have to be attached to them. You don’t have to be attached to
something to truly appreciate it. True love is giving freedom. If we
practice non attachment relationships become more meaningful and
practical, and we can experience the life in a more fulfilling way.
For
eg:- If your loved one needs an important treatment and if it is
available only in a place which is far away and you are not able to accompany
him or her, what will you do? You will arrange someone else to go
with him/her, right? Why? Because your love is stronger than your attachment
(the desire to hold on to him/her). Here you are ready to accept the
situation and you use your viveka- the ability to discriminate and act
accordingly. But, emotionally if we are upset and influenced by outside
events and sensations we will not be able to act properly. And if you cultivate
non attachment at this stage you will have a relaxed control over your mind.
You just have to understand that all the things around you may come and go from
your life..eg:- your ideas, beliefs, belongings or loved ones…you will still be
you.
When we
pass through different stages of life, different emotions like happiness,
anger, sadness, instead of capturing and holding those feelings
forever, we will act as a Witness of our thoughts and
emotions, and we will be able to watch these emotions as passing clouds.
Non
attachment is an empowering attitude. We need two things in order to have
attachment. One is, the object or the person we are attaching to, and
second, the person who is attaching.
But
in non attachment we have only one thing ie Unity. There is no TWO because
there is nothing to attach to.
Learning
to practice non attachment is the most liberating shift that we can do to
achieve peace in our life. This attitude will teach us to love
unconditionally.
There
is no short cut to practice non attachment. It is a process. Like
Patanjali says –“Abhyasa vairagyabhyam tannirodha:” which means “These
mental modifications are restrained by practice.”
Practice
1.First
we should get ready mentally. We should have the attitude to practice.
2.Then
try to understand our thoughts and emotions and to which they are attached to.
Understand that attachment is based on fear and insecurity.
3.Then
acknowledge our present state of mind. Observe our desire for the attached, our
fear of losing it and the sense of hopelessness and helplessness that we are
facing.
4.Allow
our mind to be free from those around us and let those objects or people to be
themselves. Let our mind also experience the freedom from those. Understand
that nothing can be static.
5.Now
try to be at present and practice mindfulness
6.Open
ourselves to the highest love, without any condition or expectation. Then you
will feel more happy and free.
7.Now
we will not experience any remnant of attachment and we will realize that
we have begun to achieve the stage of non attachment.
This is
the stage of true liberation..the true nature of human mind…
To experience
non attachment is to have Internal Awareness, awareness of our supreme mastery,
complete control over mind. It can be learned through will power.
U C Soja.